4 months update

4 months baby updates:

  • is sucking on his fingers constantly it drives me crazy. i tried introducing pacifier each time i see him sucking on his fingers but he refuses! we tried so many and he just doesn’t want any one of them. i was ok on not giving him the pacifier because i wanna let him teu self soothing. but there was once when i wanted to latch him, he pushed the boob away and started to suck on his fingers instead 😱
  • seem to be able to sit in his stroller without struggling now. my mum will put him in the stroller while she does work around the house hahaha. now i wonder if i should get a better stroller for him? was toying with the idea to purchase a babyzen yoyo because it can be folded easily hence easy commuting with public or going overseas. but the price is a bit steep and i’m not sure if i’m willing to pay so much for a stroller so… kiv for now
  • loves watching tv. this one also because of my mum and i heard from her bb a loves the black and white dramas like seniman bujang lapok, nujum pak belalang etc that they play on tv3 in the afternoons. he will excitedly coo and laugh along. hates cartoon so his source of nursery rhyme for now is from his mummy
  • stretching his vocal cords by screamingggggg when he ‘talks’
  • prefers his baba more than mummy. reserved all his big smiles and big laughters for his dad now. his dad can just watch him from far and when bb makes eye contact with him, he will start giggling and covers his face against my shoulder or neck. so cute and heartwarming but i’m so jealous he does not do that with me! 😞

4 months old mummy:

  • on the weekend i returned back to work, there was one big lump near my left armpit and blocked duct under my right boobs. both lumps were huge and somehow i know it won’t be resolve with normal pumping and latching. i found zarinah’s contact on facebook with glowing reviews about how she managed to clear ducts very well. messaged her on a saturday night and she came over on a sunday morning and my session lasted two hours. it was damn painful please. turns out what i thought is normal, is not. apparently all my ducts were blocked for the left boob all the way to under my armpit 😨 took her one and a half hour to clear that one stubborn duct on the left side. and here i thought the right boob is the promblematic one because i keep having blocked duct there. i thought i will never get my soft boobs back ever since breastfeeding but alhamdulillah after her session,  i realise i didn’t know that i’m an oversupplier, i didn’t know that i need to massage the boobs after pumping to fully clear the milk and that i’ve been using a bigger breast shield all along ☹️ don’t we all learn something new everyday? such a painful lesson for me honestly
  • schedule for pumping session on weekdays will be 7am, 1pm, 6pm (if bb a doesn’t latch), 10pm (if bb last latch at 8pm), 2am (or whenever bb a wakes up for his night feed). then i realise i get so tired on weekdays i will miss either the 10pm or the 2am pump. since i do have enough supply in the fridge, i try to drop a pump session. if not, i’ll try to be hardworking again.
  • i got myself a lenka carrier ssc wc oscha okinami wherefore art thou from the bst page on facebook and i’m in love 😍😍 have always love oscha’s okinami print but because wrapping is another set of skill i don’t wish to dip my toes into, i could only look at their pictures online and just sigh dreamily. can’t wait to wear it out because the base width is a bit big for bb now

i think going back to work and trying to be a perfect mum, wife and daughter afterwards is just so hard for me. somedays i’ll go back and try to stay up as much as i can to help around but other days i just crash and burn. i’m lucky the husb is understanding but i feel extremely bad for neglecting him at times.

we had our second anniversary dinner yesterday at maki-san with baby a in tow. our conversations revolve around bb now – how adorable he is, his latest milestones – hardly focusing on the both of us but we still thank each other for all the efforts that were put in to care and raise our son.  is this how new parents are like?

i really can’t wait for my next stretch of annual leave in december. by then bb will be 8 months and i hope we will be able to start going for bigger adventures with him inshaa Allah

list of hits and miss

aisey feeling macam makeup guru pulak update hits and miss eh. this one is my own list of hits and miss and because things are still so fresh in my head, thought it will help for me to note down. a big disclaimer what works for me now, might not work well for others or for myself in the future when bb #2 comes along. so note to self – this is what i enjoyed or don’t for baby a

  1. breast pump. purchased spectra M1 two weeks before i delivered but then i purchased spectra S1 one month after i delivered and have been using it since then. i like that the S1 is able to clear milk much better and faster than M1. with the S1, it takes me 10 minutes. with M1, it takes me 20 minutes and i’m still not able to clear milk fully. going back to work next week and i think i’m just gonna pump with my S1 even though it’s bulky.
  2. diaper bag. i requested jujube be right back as a birthday present last year from my best friends. have always wanted a bagpack as a diaper bag and because one need to have at least one set of jujube kan? haha. we managed to pack it to its fullest during raya but when that happens, the bag overbulges and it gets very heavy. i decided to get another large bagpack from anello from qoo10 and i love it so much more! cheaper, sturdy and can fit my spectra S1 so this is going to be my working bag. IMG_1048love the camo print on the anello but my husb was nagging at how non feminine the bag is 🙄
  3. wet dry bag. i don’t use it for its intended purpose yet. but i use skip hop wet dry bag to pack extra clothes, mini towels, diapers, mini wet tissues, plastic bag dispensers, hand sanitizer etc. it’s easier to switch bag with this rather than keeping them all over in my jujube and then start transferring them to other preferred bag of the day. saves the hassle and saves time.IMG_1050
  4. pouches. i love the ones from skip hop. i don’t know where to get it because when i tried to find on pupsik or online i’m unable to find any results?? but anyway i have one for bb’s balms and oils and the heart one is for my own balms and oils. don’t want to be mixing the adults one with bb so that i can give clear instructions to the husb, sis or mum when i’m away or when i need them to do the packing for me. IMG_1052 does anyone know where i can get more of this though?
  5. milk boosters. during ramadhan i tried so many ways to boost my milk supply for baby a during the day. i found mamalait’s lactation brownies and az fresh farm kurma milk helped to boost my supply. kurma milk i got from thebambinishop at IG.
  6. nursing bra. got a few pieces from qoo10 during pregnancy (6 for $36!) and recently bought anee mathews hands free nursing bra. my intention is to pump handsfree during my break and lunch time at work but looking at the bra itself it looks a little bit complicated. will see how it goes.
  7. baby carrier. not a purchase because i got my kokadi flip from my uncle. love that i can use it from newborn and above. bb was 2.4kg at birth and i tried sollybaby wrap but i think wrapping is not for me and bb. wish i could ringsling also because the cloths i see are too pretty sei. but i’ll be happy with ssc for now and shall not tempt myself with anything else heh. i have a tula baby which i’ve not start using but will try out soon. will update if i like kokadi or tula better.

    the design i received is wunderland. not my kind of color palette soooo i’m thinking of trading or buying another kokadi? and that’s me babywearing my bb 🤗

  8. oils and balms. prior to bb A, i don’t understand when people keep saying they love the smell of babies. now that i have one of my own, i full understand the need to preserve that baby smell. at last it can only be there for three months plus for bb a and then the smell of his saliva and masamness kicks in 😂 but with the oils and balms i put on him after his morning bath and evening wipes, makes me happy. usually i put his minyak telon, breathe on his chest, back and legs and smooth after his morning bath. he will immdiately ask for milk and will doze off. evening wipe will be minyak telon and calm. vapour rub and immunity guard roll is from kidz paradize at IG and i buy it for standby for myself and him. since i’m returning back to front line healthcare, i’m sure i’ll catch the nasty bugs soon after months being away. so it’s for me and for bb as well for prevention. IMG_1055

i think that’s my list for now. other than that, i’ve decided to be itchy backside and ordered a few korean skin care products because i wanna try the 10 step korean skin care. i know where got time kan with bb and all but i’m gonna try to get my pregnancy glow back 😂 i didn’t have a single pimple and my oily skin was matte the whole 38 weeks. after i reach my skin goals, i shall attempt saving my hair. because the post partum hair loss is real guys ☹️

also huge chunk of my bonus at the end of the month will go to the house savings. some of it will be for bb. planning to get the avent 2 in 1 steamer and blender. i read that mummies use this for the first two months only? i wouldn’t want to splurge for that short period of time tho? also treating my mum to her tefal pans that she wanted and something nice for husb because i was on confinement during his birthday in april.

syukur alhamdulillah for all that is given from Allah.

12 week old

12 week old baby:

  • baby A has always been phelgmy sounding from day one. we went to 3 different PDs for his follow up check up and all of them said his lungs were fine. so we have been living with it for the past three months. recently when i placed my hand on his chest, i can FEEL the phelgm moving when he breathes. he didn’t show any signs of discomfort and his temperature was a okay. so what i did was to slather on Aafiya Essentials Balm in Breathe after his daily shower, when i did diaper change and his evening wipe down. i did it for three days and then one morning, he decided to vomit out the phelgm but i wasn’t there to witness it! the husb was up when he saw bb vomitted out the phelgm and cleaned it up. what i did was massaged the balm upwards on his chest and back and then i followed Nina Chua’s tapping method from youtube. other then Breathe, i use Calm which is a bedtime balm for baby A and Smooth for when he accidentally scratches himself. i was thiiiisssssss close to investing into essential oils but i decided not yet for now. EO’s requires a lot of reading and knowledge in using the correct ones and i’m just a bit too lazy to read up for now. also not to mention, the good ones for immunity system is kinda expensive?
  • baby A hates his tummy time. i searched on how to make it better for him but none of the method works. most of the time, his fist will end up into his mouth and he will self soothe instead of pushing his face off the ground. when i pull his hand away, that is when he will scream bloody murder. when the husb is around, he will immediately pick bb up and that frustrates me because i want bb to tahan it out a few mins more. husband cakap kesian since he’s already so uncomfy. i told him most babies will tend to cry during their tummy time but he won’t buy it telling me to try another time. but one day, bb A surprised all of us by instantly holding his head up so so high. haha. i was telling husb how all bb’s small little developments make us all so happy chiming how smart and how clever he is. i guess when you’re a parent, all this details are enough to make your day.
  • he is so so so much vocal now! and i love it 🙂 he can recognise faces immediately now and will coo and babble and laugh out loud. i keep videoing when he does it because it is so precious. and talking about videoing, he seems to recognise my phone whenever it’s near his face, he will look to the camera directly. macam, siapa ajar kau ni to tengok at the camera? hahaha. at times when the husb is entertaining bb and i’ll use the phone to reply messages, he will just turn his head and look at my phone most probably thinking that mummy is taking my pictures again. he is also good at selfie apparently and is most quiet when my sister hold him to take his picture. this reminds me of my personal goal which js not to expose any entertainment via smartphone or tabs to him until he is very much older.
  • we finally introduced soap in his morning bath and i hate how kodomo gives his face small tiny spots. my mum didn’t even lather it on instead she poured a really tiny amount into his bath tub but it still give him spots. good thing we didn’t invest in any soap products because we received so many sample sized kodomo, mustela and cetaphil. using cetaphil baby for now and will see how it goes. i have not use any baby powder on him and read a little about carcinogenic ingredients in baby powders, i think it’s ok to delay and not use at all kan? he still has his baby smell and i don’t want it to go away so soon.
  • he is sucking to suck on his fists. i know it’s just a way for babies to explore but i kennot. seeing his moist fists rubbing his face, eyes, head and ears make the inner me go URGGHHHHHH and i keep wiping his hands whenever i see him doing it. this is me looking at him discovering his hands.  cannot imagine when he starts discovering his feet 😂
  • showing signs of rejecting bottle again….. i’ve always asked the husb or mum to bottle feed him because i read how torturous it is for mums when bb recognises the difference between the bottle and the nips. i have asked my mum to bottle feed him in the day time and i will DL evening onwards. hoping he will get used to this fixed routine.

12 week mummy:

  • repeatedly getting blocked duct on my right breasts and on the same duct. also developed blood blisters when bb A was a bit too enthusiastic while feeding at night. it huuuurts like mad. can only guess my blocked duct might be due to my sleeping position and bb’s latch is not as good as compared to the left 😭 tried searching for lechitin at watson/guardian but can’t find any halal brands
  • is a bit sian that i’m returning back to work in 2 weeks time. wish i could stay with bb longer, isn’t this every mum’s wish? soaking up every smile, every giggle, every crankiness and fussiness. also during this three and a half months, i’ve learnt how vulnerable and fragile we can be when we want to give more love to this little life yet at the same time we struggle so much trying our best to adapt to them. the world revolves around our LO all the time.
  • went through my first raya as a mum. honestly i was scared because that means having to nurse in foreign places, having bb to nap in a different environment and just being parents actually. it’s been two days bb A overshot his usual bed time but he went to sleep and wake up a happy baby. there are so many things to carry with him so naturally we forgot things and the most important item being: a small mat/blankie and his Clevafoam pillow. so the first day was a torture having to hold him all the time since not all houses have pillows/mat/carpet appropriate for babies. also to always bring all his evening wipes essentials in the case we overshot visiting so that we can wipe him down, change to comfy clothes and have him settle into his sleep time. also to learn to ignore well meaning comments from people on how to handle your baby. i got an auntie who corrected my husband and my mum on how to hold on to bb A when they were feeding him from the bottle. she’s a bachelorette. also because bb is at a romosoable age, even kids will get attracted wanting to sayang, tap and touch bb. i don’t want to be the ngada ngada mum and let them play with bb but when i had to bottle feed, i sat on a chair, a level higher than them and problem solved! bb can drink in peace and doze off slowly.

note to self

ever since baby a able to recognise faces, whenever he sees me, he will smile ever so widely and so sweetly. he will bring his hands up excitedly and kicks his legs up in the air.

there are times i will try to rock him to sleep in front of the tv while using my phone. and then i realise most of the time, he will look at me lovingly and gurgling and…. i’m looking at my phone instead.

i feel horrible and guilty because these moments are so precious and i’m letting it slip away just because i wanted to catch up with what’s new on social media.

may i be a better mum in the coming days.

8 week

my 8 week old baby:

  • had his vaccination done. boy was a trooper. sobbed for a while and was back to his usual self but felt his body temp slightly hot the next day. i dread and doa that baby won’t get any fever before his 6 months because i know there’s nothing much for infants. plus the nurse did say hep b won’t have fever as the side effect so kanceong mother me kept monitoring his temp. also boy doubled his birth weight yeay!
  • did his sunat at 6 weeks. my heart broke seeing his lips quivered while he cried. like telling us he felt betrayed or something. was cranky the whole week! there are times i put him down for a nap and he will suddenly nangis extremely loud. after his ring drop on the 5th day, he was back to his usual self. but we need to return back again because it seems like there is an extra meat that is still there which makes it look weird. poor baby have to go through pain again 😦
  • started smiling and laughing into thin air. so adorbz!!! but a bit creepy lah kan. started recognizing us and boleh ajak bebual with his baby babbles.
  • discovered his hands/fists so whenever i stall his nursing time by a few minutes, he will start sucking on his hands. his dad is not fond of that saying that it will become a habit. baby A doesn’t take to pacifier still. i think i don’t mind that he hates pacifier because i don’t really want to rely heavily on it and then having a headache bila part nak wean off later on.
  • rejected avent bottles and its teats. we tried for a few days when we were out and i have yet to gain courage to nurse in public. but he cried bloody murder halfway through sucking and then the following tries he outright rejected, pushing the teat out with his tongue and refused to drink at all. what works now is the NUK premium plus bottles with the latex teat. still crying midway because the flow is a bit too slow for him but on good days he is drinking well from the bottle.
  • bed time routine will start at 8pm. will wipe him down, minyak teloned him and put on sleeping balm on his chest and behind his ear. take a quick shower for myself, solat and by then he will be crying for milk. nurse him and then by 9 plus will doze off. put him in his cot and he will ngeliat till he falls asleep by 10pm. his next feed will be at 230am or 330am the latest. and then doze off again until 630am for his next feed. and for now i’m happy the routine is this way. hopefully it will remain like this till i start work.

the 8 week old mummy:

  • i bought another pump. was pumping religiously during the first month and got frustrated with the spectra M1 because i have to keep on charging. so for now i’m using spectra s1+. will be using the M1 when i go back to work since it’s more compact.
  • went out with baby A twice. first to celebrate mother’s day and i was with my mum and sister. he was all fine during our lunch because mum was holding him but the moment we put him down in the stroller, he started fussing. i was sweating buckets by then. wanted to buy for mum her present at metro and the moment we stepped into metro, he started wailing. alamak ketiak basah babe. good thing the nursing room was nearby so the three of us went over (they helped to put away my things properly before leaving me and baby A alone) and i tried nursing him to comfort but it was too hot so he couldn’t stop crying! people were moving in and out of the room and there was once someone pulled back the heavy curtain while i was breastfeeding. had to do a loud hello??? while trying to shield away what’s not to be seen. what an experience kan. the second time we went out, i mustered courage to use the kokadi flip and the one hour we were outside, he was asleep. only started fussing when we reached our void deck. in conclusion, i might start loving baby wearing him for a while before he gets heavier. the stroller is too stressful for me unless i have the husb or my sister to help me fold and open the stroller. or, i might just psycho the husband to get a better one for me when baby gets too heavy to carry.
  • fasting during ramadhan while breastfeeding is so hard. on normal days i will down 500ml of water after each feed. also he is more satisfied and won’t be able to drain all the milk. during fasting, he keeps on sucking even though he has drained everything. breaks my heart to see him looking for milk 😦 mum wanted me to give formula but i refuse because i don’t really want to disrupt my supply or the lack of it for this month. tried boosters such as coconut water, susu kurma, al kurma, mama lait’s cookies, granolas and brownies but what works the best for me is still mana lait’s brownies. the rest isn’t helping much. only day 3 but i’m hoping i can continue giving him bm throughout this month without any supplementation inshaa Allah! for now my schedule is pump during the day and latch after buka just to mimic my working schedule when i start in july.

4 week old

My 4 week old baby:

  • has learned to fight his day time naps. been 3 days now that he won’t nap during the day. letak je kat cot and his eyes will be wide open. that means no day time nap for me too. we got a rocker for him and my mum insist to rock him in it sampai he terlelap. for now it helps but i don’t want to encourage but on days when we really need him to nap, i guess it’s ok?
  • has learned to lift his head and surveys his surrounding which freaks me out because his head is sooooo big and heavy. macam budak besar pulak die ni tau
  • almost outgrowing his carter’s newborn. some da tak muat! so sayang because we only got to use it once or twice. alhamdulillah his rezeki, we received a lot of newborn clothes. i think we didn’t have the chance to use the one his parents bought for him yet sebab mak die kiasu beli size besar besar
  • tak suka pacifier. tried putting in a pacifier when he was wailing during his evening wipe. but once he gigit the thing, muka berubah and he slowly push it out with his tongue and continues wailing

The 4 week old mummy:

  • had the baby blues during the first two weeks. i had engorgement a few days after we brought baby A back home. was crying everyday because of pain and anxiety and i did not look forward to feeding time because he can’t latch well with the swollen nipples and all. sampai abrasion and berdarah. i was restricted with the bengkung and the stitches that hurt sooo much and even more so when the stitches nak dissolve. even cried in front of my mak bidan and she kept advising me to not be too stressed because baby knows. cried when the husband left for work. cried when he came back. alhamdulillah everything subsided by the end of the second week but i’m still anxious as heck whenever he cries or he doesn’t want to sleep or nap. lucky me my mum is more than happy to hold her grandson. and baby A is more than happy to fall asleep in his grandmum’s arm than mine hmph
  • after engorgement subsided, i find joy in breastfeeding pulak. to the extent that i wish i don’t have to start my ebm stash so soon and already imagining i will miss having to hold him in my arms every 2 hours. i’m planning to return back work at the end of 3rd month but seeing how the end of 3rd month is exactly a day after raya, i’m contemplating if i should just take 4 months straight. iman tak kuat langsung to leave baby A so early haih
  • every 2 hours baby A will bangun for his milk. really envious of those mummies dapat tidur up to 4 hours or sometimes through the night. people have been telling me anak lelaki memang kuat susu and it will get better but i cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel yet haha. maybe when we start bottle feeding him i can finally monitor how much he drinks per feeding. then bila start bottle feeding it will come with all the paranoia kan. slow flow lah, fast flow lah, colic or not lah. i guess i will never stop worrying now that i’m a mum. i wonder if there’s a pumping template available online that i can follow. my short term goal for now is to bf till baby is 6 months and then i shall renew my niat again after that lol
  • my rezeki that i have people gifting me the solly wrap, tula, kokadi flip and a ring sling. tapi satu haram pun tak tau nak pakai. i really tried and practice the solly wrap and kokadi but i just can’t seem to get it right. the reason why i’m so anxious to start using is because da berangan once i habis pantang, nak jalan dekat dekat to the neighbourhod mall with baby. and also because my mum will be leaving for kl for 3 days (!!!! anxious max) end of may and i need food to survive kan so nak amek chance to move about before bulan puasa
  • wish i’m a sahm. but hidup harus diteruskan

my labour story

For keep sakes because first time mum always very anxious and kanceong kan. Something for me to read back one day.

37 weeks

Gynae checked my amniotic level and it was at 7.5cm and according to her is low. Did a CTG and heart tracer and everything seems ok. Was told to monitor baby movements. Started having cramps in my stomach and vagina area when I walk. The intense cepuk cepuk kind that will make me stop walking and catch my breath a little. At this point I swear I was about to give birth at any point. My movement at work slowed down a lot because my back aches were there all the time. Lepas lunch je mengah and had to sit all the way until punch out time.

At 37 + 6 I managed to watch Beauty and the Beast with my best friends. Baby was moving wayyyyy too much at each song to the point I think I cannot tahan and need the toilet but we were stuck in the middle seats. No way was I allowing my huge stomach and huge butt through people 😂 Masih nak maintain lah konon. Now, I kinda miss feeling those kicks and movements in me.

38 weeks

Nothing significant except my feet swell up A LOT. The kus smangat kind even my loose crocs sandal cannot save me anymore. Gynae keep reminding me anytime, anytime. Yelah tau anytime. I think the people at work were quite risau also bila dekni nak pop every Monday nampak die masuk kerja.

This whole week I kept walking. I walked with husb. I walked alone. I walked and kept feeling the intense cramps which were getting much more frequent at my stomach and vagina area. I think I Grab-ed home daily after work also sebab I was too tired to jostle with other people in the bus.

Two days before I delivered, I was supposed to report work which was on a Saturday but my legs and my back was aching so much in the middle of the night. 4am I woke up with diarrhea. Ran to the toilet thrice. No contractions yet so thought might be the lontong goreng I ate for dinner.

Husb decided to take MC also so after the Dr, we went Lot One for lunch sebab kebulur gila. I had pasta AND oyster omelette. Kenek beleter from husb because “Tak habis mcm mana??”

Actually I was being gelojoh because I kinda know labour is around the corner and I can’t enjoy food during pantang so I ate to puaskan nafsu je astarghfirullah. After lunch we bused down to Ten Mile Junction and that’s when I can feel the contractions coming in but not regularly. Every time there’s a surge, I held onto husb hand and stopped talking. Wanted to walk home from Ten Mile LOLZ who am I kidding kan so we bussed back.

38 + 6

Sunday morning seems okay. By Magrib da rasa the contractions again. I ignored it until lepas Isyak, sat at the dining table with husb while he was doing his work. I remembered telling him “Abang, sakit lah. Macam da boleh get ready” to which he replied “You giving birth now?? Kite go hospital now”

Member da panic eh. I sempat ketawa and told him it wouldn’t be so fast but I was secretly timing my contractions and it was at 10 to 15 mins apart. That night I remembered I couldn’t sleep well. Subuh, I woke up and I saw blood. Told the husband to standby my hospital bag. Told my mum and she wanted me to go hospital straight away.

Nasib baik ade gynae appointment that Monday morning so I made my way slowly. On the way I was timing my contractions and it was already 5 minutes apart. When I saw my gynae and she was asking her usual “So how are you?” and told her my symptoms and she was shock that I still made my way to her hahaha.

She did a VE (I finally understood why people kept saying it’s uncomfy because IT IS UNCOMFY LAH) and said I was already 4cm dilated. She called the delivery suite for me and said “Oklah, I see you later”

I wanted to go home first but she disapproved. Told me to go straight but my husband at work lei I still need to wait for him to make his way to the hospital.

By the way, while waiting for husb, I was crying to myself in public and made a call to my mum. That moment changed me because I was going to be a mother in matter of hours but I still look for my mum in times like this. Kasih sayang mak sampai bila bila.

I walked into delivery suite with my husb at 12pm. He wanted me to eat befofe but I cannot stomach any more food. Takut terberak time delivery (priorities merepek)

Contractions still at 5 minutes apart. They let me change, sit out and wait until 2pm. Still only 4cm dilated. Dr came to burst my waterbag and then I got my epidural. Adui nasib baik husb went out for his smoke because epidural pun uncomfy. I’m such a lembik person which was why I wouldn’t want to wait and see if I can tahan labour pain.

By 4pm, still only 4cm dilated, that’s when they decide to put on oxytocin. The contractions got stronger after that. Wanted to tahan the pain lah kononye but by 8pm, I was already jabbing on the epidural button. I can feel the contractions surges and I cannot release anymore epidural because they wanted me to feel the contractions. Gynae finally walked in, checked on dilation and said I’m fully dilated but baby’s head still high up. Told me they will wait one more hour for baby head to come down.

9pm, nurse wanted to practice pushing with me because baby doesn’t seem like he want to go down. Had to stopped halfway because baby’s heart rate was dropping. At 10pm, gynae came back and I had to start pushing for realz but by this time da pancit because I used all my energy with the practice pushes.

You know those delivery scenes kat tv with nurses and dr and husbands all cheering on the pregger wife to push kan, that scene became a reality for me. It’s funny when I think back now, at that point of time tak kelakar ah sebab da semput habis and people are telling me to push. At the last lap tu, boleh pulak two other nurses came in to hold up my leg for me and cheered me on.

Alhamdulillah, at 1036pm, I finally pushed out my baby boy on 3rd April 2017. He came in very tiny at 2468 grams. All along when my gynae membebel about my weight gain, it didn’t go to him at all instead I bolot all the kilos from him.

I bersyukur my delivery was manageable and smooth. I’ve never imagine myself giving birth yet alone becoming a mother. Holding my own baby now feels surreal at times. Though there are a lot more anxious moments for me and during the first few days, I kept breaking down because I don’t even know what I’m doing.

Still recovering and counting down the number of pantang days I have left. For now, feed, change, nap on repeat.

36 weeks

The past few weeks I have been suffering with the dreaded back aches. One night I was all fine and then the next morning I had the terrible ache and it got worse over the weeks.

Also I have shooting pain in my pelvic region whenever I stand up to walk from sitting position. The kind that makes me wonder if it’s UTI or just baby pressing very hard on my bladder. At times I was thinking is it my cervix dilating (paranoid much) but baby was still moving actively kicking my bones and pushing them out of his way.

There are days baby barely moved during the day but once I’m about to go to sleep, he will start kicking and pushing very hard till it gets a bit painful. There are days when listening to the surah of Al Quran or Ed Sheeran made him very active. Mummy doa you will be anak soleh don’t terkinja kinja to music all bila da besar.

The swelling of my feet looks sooooo obvious now. Even my very old and worn pair of Crocs is too tight for me. Plus, I get leg cramps very often while working. Kadang I just need to stretch it out in the middle of anywhere anytime and my colleagues just give way to me haha.

My gynae wanted to do the GBS swab for me yesterday but I told her to give me one more week. Of course she had to scare me by saying “Can of course can but just to inform that you can go into labour anytime now you know?”

Hopefully baby will be a good boy and stay inside for one more week. It gets sooooo tiring from the time I open my eyes till I get to sleep. Tidur pun tak lena especially with the constant bangun malam every one hour tossing and turning 😭 The husband said I ngigau more often in my sleep now. There was one night I called out for him in my sleep at 3am in the morning 😂😂 He got a shock thinking I was in pain but I was happily sleeping and calling his name.

There was a point where I went three weeks eating watermelon every single day and sanggup jalan jauh to buy watermelon during lunch time and after work. Also I treated myself to small cup of Yakun’s iced kopi and that tasted soooo good. I have been craving for mamak food for lunch for the past two weeks already. I can finish my food during lunch but eat nothing during dinner sebab still so full from lunch. I am snacking less too and I didn’t gain much from my last appointment 3 weeks ago hehe.

What I really need to do: Pack the hospital bag. Really don’t know where to start. So I just put aside baby’s clothes and my nursing bra. My mum wanted me to pack the bag and put it in her room so that when the time comes, she can just campak it to my husband. In her words, “Senang aku tak terkial kial nanti kalau kenek ikut naik ambulance”

Adoi naik ambulance mother? Mintak dijauhkan ye nauzubillah. Doa for a smooth remaining weeks. Trying to get as much rest as possible but it seems like I can’t!

#28 weeks

I got an earful from my gynae when I saw her last week. She was nagging at how much weight I put on and that I should not put on anymore weight. Sedih eh dengar die cakap usually women put on 10 to 15kg and I’m already at my 14kg mark at 28 weeks. Not like I’ve been eating two portions in one sitting but the husband did point out I love to snack in between meals.

So fineeeeeeee. I shall be changing my diet for these last 12 weeks then. Switched my white rice to brown rice for lunch or dinner. Wholegrain bread for lunch or dinner. And overnight rolled oats for breakfast. Saaaaaaap. Ada ciri cirri fitspo not? Haha. Been drinking soluble vitamin C every morning now and it kinda help to my sweet tooth just a little bit.

Everything went fine except that one Saturday I had jemputan food and Swensen mega burger afterwards. Food coma oi. I was extremely sleepy afterwards. I need to be in control of my glucose also. Please doakan for me and that my efforts will be for the better of Baby.

Other Baby updates would be the shopping for Baby. We went all out during the Expo Baby Fair buying the cot and a few other stuff. We got a Jarrods & Co cot for $398 that will be delivered to us 4 weeks before. Hopefully this will serve well until Baby grow into a toddler so when we move house tak paya pening nak beli katil lagi.

Was supposed to get Spectra M1 then but we went over budget a bit there so think I’ll get it the month before delivering inshaa Allah. Even the husband cannot tahan looking at the baby stuff there. One thing I hated about the fair is being constantly bugged with educational providers or insurance providers or something along that line lah. Asek kenek attack je.

My mata very rambang now surveying Qoo10 for the Kodomo laundry soap and Alva Baby cloth diapers. I already bought some bibs and maternity/nursing bras from there and it’s like heaven sent. Apesal lah tak beli siang siang kan. Tortured myself for six months wearing my usual bra and it’s already digging into my love handles. This Qoo10 one I got it for a steal some more. 6 for $36. Started wearing them recently cause why torture myself for another three months kan.

Still a lot of stuff to be purchased like the shower necessities, disposable diapers, cloth diapers, Baby’s almari, breast pump, nursing covers etc. So many things to do but so little time.