8 months update

baby a turned 8 months last week. alhamdulillah he’s developing well despite my constant worries. some days i will keep the thoughts to myself because when i voice it out my husband and mum will tell me “ tak habis habis. budak baru _____ bulan” ok fine

8 months updates:

  • he has 5 teeth in total now. they all grow at a different rate. two at the bottom when he turned 6 months and then his top two and his left taring. more is coming out soon because he keeps gnawing at everything! he also know how to banting badan when we take things away from him. which is not cute. cannot imagine when he’s walking and want us to buy things and we refuse. yikes
  • pulled himself up in the cot recently. my previous post probably make me sound unhappy. he’s doing it when we put him down for bedtime. so now i just layankan and let him play in his cot until he gets tired and whiny and then off to bed.
  • fell down our bed last week. our first but he was okay immediately when we pacify him. hopefully it’s the last tho.
  • NOT sleeping tru the night anymore. man this is hard. i have always been nursing him to sleep when i was still bf so when we transitioned to formula, i have tried not to do that but faaail. he really need to suckle to sleep. refuses pacifier also. he still need his night feeds at least 3 times a night, 120ml each.
  • his first word: baba. he calls his father baba very excitedly when he sees him. and calls me eh. hahahaha. i only realise it one day when i was lying down a while in bed while he was playing in his cot. the next thing i know he kept saying eh eh eh eh. when i looked over, he was looking at me in between the cot’s railing and smiled so happily when i acknowledge.
  • his second word, mama. and then mamam. when he see us eating, he will look intently with his mouth open hehe. so just last week, he says mamam whenever he saw us eating. and then we realise he is always hungry. still on cereal for breakfast and then porridge for lunch/dinner. i grind my own ikan bilis and make my own chicken stock for him. lots of selawat, doa love to make him a loving and pious son inshaa Allah.
  • bought a walker and playpen for my mum for him because she’s been complaining that he is so active crawling around the house and that she’s tired having to run after him. we have a housecat who is not very friendly and she scratched his fingers once. don’t want him to go up to our cat as and when he likes and then gets scratched.

mummy updates:

  • some days i wake up and feel like i’m not cut out for this. i go to bed tired, i wake up tired. i asked the husband one day after settling the hyperactive little one, what did you say about having many kids? haha.
  • my period came back last month after i stopped bf for 2 weeks. the cramps, migraines and mood swings were horrible.
  • still don’t understand people who glamorizes motherhood or make it sound simple and easy. maybe it’s just me and my daily struggles because sure you have the baby to cuddle and love but that’s definitely 5% of it. this whole little being is depending on me to survive! you know how stressful that is?
  • tried to apply for i.yad p.erdaus for baby a’s playgroup only to get a reply that they have a verrrryyyyy long waiting list. i really want baby a to have islamic exposure from as young as possible. someone mentioned there’s a website where i can see the whole list of cc / kindgergarden but for the life of me i can’t remember now. please let me know if you know!
  • gained lots of weight. so depressing 😭 i still have my belly which kinda expanded again after the pantang. any thing that i can do to tone it down? 😔
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blues

yesterday night was the worst i see of myself.

been having the flu since monday and haven’t really get a good rest or took any meds so i was just nursing it with panadol and lozenges. husb was kind enough to take over night duties but he did say he got very tired during subuh.

baby a has started to pull himself up and stand in the cot. haven’t learn how to get back to sitting or lying. so when he got tired, he will let go and will get cranky and will cry till someone gets him.

yesterday night, he decided to cry and cry in his cot and i got angry and shouted at him. the husb heard me from the balcony and asked why was i shouting. he said, “orang lain kalau boleh nak anak. you ada anak marah marah”

ouch.

in the bus now crying because i feel like i’m not thankful and i still don’t know how to handle my own son. and regret for shouting at him yesterday night.

Allah.

7 months update

7 months baby updates. bb a turned 7 months yesterday. wow.

  • he’s crawling everywhereeeee. such a crawler. he crawls under the coffee table, under the chair and once under the tv console. once he find himself stuck, he will cry bloody murder. which is funny to us lah but frustrating for him. and we definitely can’t put him on the bed on his own now. he will always find something at the edge of the bed to be very fascinating.
  • wake up time for him is now at 5am. sometimes the husb will carry him for a while but he will usually end up in bed for about half an hour before he starts fussing. on good days, he’s able to entertain himself till i get up for work. or sometimes my mum will be up and done with subuh and by 6am she will entertain him while i get ready for work. his routine will be from cot to stroller-watching his grandmum work in the kitchen. my mum calls it his “morning coffebean trip”
  • went from 50:50 breastmilk to formula last month to 20:80 breastmilk to formula. i don’t know how it happend but my breastmilk decided to dry up one fine day without any warning. i was only able to pump less than 50ml during lunch time at work that one week before i decided that well… i think i’m ready to stop. also he was fussing at my boobs a lot and wakes up HOURLY cranky at night that last few weeks of direct latching. his crankiness was a combination of a leap, teething, vaccination fussiness so imagine me trying not to be cranky too. but i failed haaah.
  • started on solids around the same time we switched to formula. gave him avocado but he hates it hahahaha. fed him sweet potatoes, green peas, apples, tomatoes, spinach. going to give him porridge and chicken tomorrow and am kinda excited to see his reaction. i feel so happy i get to be a chef for my LO even though i fail at adult dishes.
  • he’s not able to sit unsupported yet. still waiting when will this happen because i dream of the day when we will able to eat out with him sitting.
  • loves didi and friends and certain astro commercials. he can be quite engrossed playing with his toys on the mat in the living room with the tv on. but once a certain jingle that he likes comes on, he will immediately turn towards the tv and laugh. also loves dendam aurora’s OST. actually mak die pon suka jugak the OST (not the drama though which is so…. apa je)

7 months mummy updats:

  • finally completed goblin. my colleagues were telling me to watch during confinement. which never happened lah because where got time. so started watching last month and completed it in 2 weeks. i don’t agree that it’s better than DOTS. i feel like they’re both equally good! i also managed to convert the husband into a K-drama addict. intro-ed him to DOTS and Kill Me Heal Me and he got hooked hahahahha. gonna ask him watch goblin next (so that i can rewatch)
  • turned into a jujube fanatic…… i wasn’t planning on this but i’ve accumulated quite a fair bit of Be Quick and Be Set. i love them all! hehe
  • managed to sprain my feet one day after deepavali and it hurtsssssss to walk. it became so swollen within a week and i went for tui-na and urut. tui-na uncle adviced me to rest more, sleep early (pffft) and take calcium because it’s very imbalanced according to him. makcik urut told me to lose weight. i am trying my best, skipped dinner some night but wake damn famish in the morning. some days even after taking my breakfast, i get super light headed and vomit out green bile at work. they were asking “you pregnant ah?” to which i say “not planning to for now la”
  • some nights before i go to bed, i’ll look tru pictures of newborn bb a. i miss those times he was soooo tiny. i remembered feeling miserable and wishing he will grow up fast. now he’s 7 months and i feel sorry for wishing time to pass by fast back then. soon he will be walking and one day he might not need me like now 😦 ah well… the circle of life..

6 months update

when i first started this blog, my purpose is to document bb A’s monthly developments. lest i forget how it was like to handle my firstborn some years down the road. never thought i’ll be updating his 6th months progress but wow, we made it.

  • became vocal again. alhamdulillah i was so happy when he gradually became more talkative. and now he can’t stop screaming and laughing out loud to the point i’m afraid he’s gonna hurt his throat lol
  • creeping in circles on our bed. had to build a fort with pillows all around when he naps there in the day time. but apparently he’s strong enough to push the pillows away
  • teething!!!!!!!!!! he was so fussy and cranky a week before he turned 24 weeks. i thought well it’s about time anyway but that same weekend, he grabbed my finger and bite down on it. i was soooo excited and screamed to my husband that i can feel something hard. just saw a white bump on his lower gum today. he is nursing lesser now, frequently refusing latch and bottles. i think during this period he drinks best in the middle of the night but the problem is i’m too tired and sleepy to function at night
  • started him on formula because i’m no longer able to pump 2 full bottles at work. i’m still happy though that i’m able to breastfeed him and still let him latch when i’m with him. tried almost everything i could but i guess that 2 full bottles is no longer mine
  • started him on a few spoonfuls of puree. i caved in and bought a beaba. and tried giving him sweet potato but he’s more interested in holding the spoon. he’s still unable to sit unassisted hence i can’t start him on blw. i know i can’t be a purist in this because we are not in our own house and i’m sure my mum will kill me if bb were to throw food onto her carpet and floor. but, i’m tempted to get the ikea high chair for him soon. can’t wait for him to sit unassisted.
  •  bought a new stroller – the babyzen yoyo. the husb was thinking it will be a waste but i kept thinking what if we travel overseas next year? wouldn’t it be handy for us? also i love that it folds down very small. our current stroller jams up when we need to flip it open and we need two people to get it open. it’s a cheap stroller anyway and we use it at home at times when we are alone and need to bring bb to be with us ie. answering nature’s call. got the yoyo on carousell and i got $200 off. was afraid it will be a knockoff product but it’s so sturdy and stable and feels … legit? 😂

six months mummy me:

  • since we intro-ed formula, i find myself a wee bit more happier than usual. i find myself less stressed and more content even with the one bottle of pumped milk at work during lunch time. i tried my best, hit that 6 months mark and bb is still growing well. a friend consoled me that even tho it’s not my rezeki to meet the sunnah of breastfeeding fully till bb is 2 years old, the effort i took and sacrifice made does not make me less of a mother in the eyes of Allah swt. mashaa Allah. i love talking to this friend of mine as she always remind me the beauty of islam in almost everything. may Allah swt reward her and her parents for bringing her up right amin.
  • thinking of a short get away for next year. where is a baby friendly country? to makan, rest and relax. was thinking of batam hahahaha because when was the last time did we go to batam?
  • gatal looking at expensive bags now. should direct my priorities back to house reno please

5 months update

5 months baby update:

  • a day after he turned 4 months, he managed to flip to his tummy from his back. i was amaaaazed but my mum told me that he managed to do it once before infront of her. i thought it was cute but then he started rolling in his sleep, got stuck and started wailing hence his sleep tru the night phase is officially over. i now have to wake up every two hourly from 2am onwards on good nights. some nights i really just cannot help it, i will carry him to our bed, pat him blindly and will fall asleep for a while before he starts crying again.
  • grabbing on things. i thought the activity gym playmat will go to waste but of course i’m the impatient one in this whole milestone progression thing.
  • loves sitting but still with our support. and when we let go, he will use all the strength he has and his elbows to prevent himself from lying down.
  • loves standing. will whimper and cry when we put him down.
  • found his toes. grabbing and licking them ever so often. one day, clever me thought putting shoes on him will finally stop that but nope. no toes no problem. the shoes got to his mouth.
  • showed interest when we eat. kept looking at us eating and drinking and his mouth will hang open hehe
  • not much progression with reacting to my voice. he will look at me, smile and laugh and look at me in amusement when i manage to catch his attention. but calling or screaming his name out in many different tones and volumes has no effect. he will turn to the voice of my mum’s and the husb’s just not mine.
  • he became less vocal this past one month but more giggly and more laughters and lots of raspberry blowing. i really miss his babblings though.
  • went for this vacc and check up one week ago and the dr told us his ears are full of earwax. i don’t know if this is the reason for the lack of babblings or no response to my voice (masih bitter about it ok sniffs) he was given olive oil eardrop but it’s so difficult to instill to a baby who likes to scratch his ears and then suck on his fingers.

5 months mummy updates:

  • another blocked duct in my right boob. i had high fever initially with no blocked ducts or sores or pain in the boobs and then shortly after i recovered, i had a blocked duct on the side of my right boob which lasted for around 4 days?! it was super painful and i had latched and pumped but it just won’t go away. i had to call z.arinah again and she adviced me to change my diet. to go easy on the meat (i love my beef) and more greens. and then, i started eating salad for two weeks after that. and then suddenly my milk got super diluted and then all of a sudden my supply was reduced by half. am i sad? kind of. am i trying my best to boost my supply back again? not really. i think it’s also because of the fact that my body has regulate my supply to suit bb needs hence i do not have anymore extras like i used to.
  • i wish i can say i’m soooo done with bf-ing. but i kept thinking i got this far and i’m so near my goal which is 6 months exclusive bf. i just need to push myself a bit more. my colleagues have been asking tho how long i intend to bf and another one said bf-ing means you can’t be selfish by eating or drinking the things you want because your food will be bb’s food too. and then it hit me that even tho i’ve exclusively bf for the past 5 months, my diet has been rubbish. now i feel guilty as i overlooked on this for 5 whole months and thought bf-ing exclusively will give bb all the good stuff and totally forgot all the bad stuff i’ve been consuming. urgh.
  • i’ve been trying to catch up with my ngaji. stopped a few months before delivery because i got breathless faster then but now i’m so happy i got to restart. i feel like being a mother really robbed all the time i have on hand but alhamdulillah for this small opportunity. it really makes me very happy.
  • really want to travel out of sg. been saving money for the house reno after we got married since we had to start from scratch again. just have to perservere on as we still have till end of the year till we get our keys. alhamdulillah the small rezeki we receive from Allah is sufficient for us two back then and now us three. we have always been financially independant ever since our wedding – no loans and help from our parents but since i’m only himan, at times jealousy will start creeping in. i swear it’s the work of syaitan lah who else kan and i will have to keep remindig myself to stay grounded. the last thing i want to do is to put pressure on my husband and he is already working tirelessly the past year trying to upgrade himself. i doa that may Allah continue blessing us with good health and wealth as a family. have sabr and syukur dear self

worry

I’ve gone down the rabbit hole. One day I was interested to know the signs of autism in kids less than 2 years and then now I’m scanning bb to see if he have any of the traits.

He is not responding to my voice or when I try to make eye contact with him. Basically he is non responsive to ME only. When my mum and the husb calls out to him, he will give them a very big reaction – big smiles, giggles, laughs even and will coo back at them. But when I call out his name, he won’t do the same 😭

Breaks my heart. Is this a sign? Am I being too paranoid? He’s 5 months and so far he met his milestones. Just the listening to my voice and avoiding eye contact with me ☹️

4 months update

4 months baby updates:

  • is sucking on his fingers constantly it drives me crazy. i tried introducing pacifier each time i see him sucking on his fingers but he refuses! we tried so many and he just doesn’t want any one of them. i was ok on not giving him the pacifier because i wanna let him teu self soothing. but there was once when i wanted to latch him, he pushed the boob away and started to suck on his fingers instead 😱
  • seem to be able to sit in his stroller without struggling now. my mum will put him in the stroller while she does work around the house hahaha. now i wonder if i should get a better stroller for him? was toying with the idea to purchase a babyzen yoyo because it can be folded easily hence easy commuting with public or going overseas. but the price is a bit steep and i’m not sure if i’m willing to pay so much for a stroller so… kiv for now
  • loves watching tv. this one also because of my mum and i heard from her bb a loves the black and white dramas like seniman bujang lapok, nujum pak belalang etc that they play on tv3 in the afternoons. he will excitedly coo and laugh along. hates cartoon so his source of nursery rhyme for now is from his mummy
  • stretching his vocal cords by screamingggggg when he ‘talks’
  • prefers his baba more than mummy. reserved all his big smiles and big laughters for his dad now. his dad can just watch him from far and when bb makes eye contact with him, he will start giggling and covers his face against my shoulder or neck. so cute and heartwarming but i’m so jealous he does not do that with me! 😞

4 months old mummy:

  • on the weekend i returned back to work, there was one big lump near my left armpit and blocked duct under my right boobs. both lumps were huge and somehow i know it won’t be resolve with normal pumping and latching. i found zarinah’s contact on facebook with glowing reviews about how she managed to clear ducts very well. messaged her on a saturday night and she came over on a sunday morning and my session lasted two hours. it was damn painful please. turns out what i thought is normal, is not. apparently all my ducts were blocked for the left boob all the way to under my armpit 😨 took her one and a half hour to clear that one stubborn duct on the left side. and here i thought the right boob is the promblematic one because i keep having blocked duct there. i thought i will never get my soft boobs back ever since breastfeeding but alhamdulillah after her session,  i realise i didn’t know that i’m an oversupplier, i didn’t know that i need to massage the boobs after pumping to fully clear the milk and that i’ve been using a bigger breast shield all along ☹️ don’t we all learn something new everyday? such a painful lesson for me honestly
  • schedule for pumping session on weekdays will be 7am, 1pm, 6pm (if bb a doesn’t latch), 10pm (if bb last latch at 8pm), 2am (or whenever bb a wakes up for his night feed). then i realise i get so tired on weekdays i will miss either the 10pm or the 2am pump. since i do have enough supply in the fridge, i try to drop a pump session. if not, i’ll try to be hardworking again.
  • i got myself a lenka carrier ssc wc oscha okinami wherefore art thou from the bst page on facebook and i’m in love 😍😍 have always love oscha’s okinami print but because wrapping is another set of skill i don’t wish to dip my toes into, i could only look at their pictures online and just sigh dreamily. can’t wait to wear it out because the base width is a bit big for bb now

i think going back to work and trying to be a perfect mum, wife and daughter afterwards is just so hard for me. somedays i’ll go back and try to stay up as much as i can to help around but other days i just crash and burn. i’m lucky the husb is understanding but i feel extremely bad for neglecting him at times.

we had our second anniversary dinner yesterday at maki-san with baby a in tow. our conversations revolve around bb now – how adorable he is, his latest milestones – hardly focusing on the both of us but we still thank each other for all the efforts that were put in to care and raise our son.  is this how new parents are like?

i really can’t wait for my next stretch of annual leave in december. by then bb will be 8 months and i hope we will be able to start going for bigger adventures with him inshaa Allah

list of hits and miss

aisey feeling macam makeup guru pulak update hits and miss eh. this one is my own list of hits and miss and because things are still so fresh in my head, thought it will help for me to note down. a big disclaimer what works for me now, might not work well for others or for myself in the future when bb #2 comes along. so note to self – this is what i enjoyed or don’t for baby a

  1. breast pump. purchased spectra M1 two weeks before i delivered but then i purchased spectra S1 one month after i delivered and have been using it since then. i like that the S1 is able to clear milk much better and faster than M1. with the S1, it takes me 10 minutes. with M1, it takes me 20 minutes and i’m still not able to clear milk fully. going back to work next week and i think i’m just gonna pump with my S1 even though it’s bulky.
  2. diaper bag. i requested jujube be right back as a birthday present last year from my best friends. have always wanted a bagpack as a diaper bag and because one need to have at least one set of jujube kan? haha. we managed to pack it to its fullest during raya but when that happens, the bag overbulges and it gets very heavy. i decided to get another large bagpack from anello from qoo10 and i love it so much more! cheaper, sturdy and can fit my spectra S1 so this is going to be my working bag. IMG_1048love the camo print on the anello but my husb was nagging at how non feminine the bag is 🙄
  3. wet dry bag. i don’t use it for its intended purpose yet. but i use skip hop wet dry bag to pack extra clothes, mini towels, diapers, mini wet tissues, plastic bag dispensers, hand sanitizer etc. it’s easier to switch bag with this rather than keeping them all over in my jujube and then start transferring them to other preferred bag of the day. saves the hassle and saves time.IMG_1050
  4. pouches. i love the ones from skip hop. i don’t know where to get it because when i tried to find on pupsik or online i’m unable to find any results?? but anyway i have one for bb’s balms and oils and the heart one is for my own balms and oils. don’t want to be mixing the adults one with bb so that i can give clear instructions to the husb, sis or mum when i’m away or when i need them to do the packing for me. IMG_1052 does anyone know where i can get more of this though?
  5. milk boosters. during ramadhan i tried so many ways to boost my milk supply for baby a during the day. i found mamalait’s lactation brownies and az fresh farm kurma milk helped to boost my supply. kurma milk i got from thebambinishop at IG.
  6. nursing bra. got a few pieces from qoo10 during pregnancy (6 for $36!) and recently bought anee mathews hands free nursing bra. my intention is to pump handsfree during my break and lunch time at work but looking at the bra itself it looks a little bit complicated. will see how it goes.
  7. baby carrier. not a purchase because i got my kokadi flip from my uncle. love that i can use it from newborn and above. bb was 2.4kg at birth and i tried sollybaby wrap but i think wrapping is not for me and bb. wish i could ringsling also because the cloths i see are too pretty sei. but i’ll be happy with ssc for now and shall not tempt myself with anything else heh. i have a tula baby which i’ve not start using but will try out soon. will update if i like kokadi or tula better.

    the design i received is wunderland. not my kind of color palette soooo i’m thinking of trading or buying another kokadi? and that’s me babywearing my bb 🤗

  8. oils and balms. prior to bb A, i don’t understand when people keep saying they love the smell of babies. now that i have one of my own, i full understand the need to preserve that baby smell. at last it can only be there for three months plus for bb a and then the smell of his saliva and masamness kicks in 😂 but with the oils and balms i put on him after his morning bath and evening wipes, makes me happy. usually i put his minyak telon, breathe on his chest, back and legs and smooth after his morning bath. he will immdiately ask for milk and will doze off. evening wipe will be minyak telon and calm. vapour rub and immunity guard roll is from kidz paradize at IG and i buy it for standby for myself and him. since i’m returning back to front line healthcare, i’m sure i’ll catch the nasty bugs soon after months being away. so it’s for me and for bb as well for prevention. IMG_1055

i think that’s my list for now. other than that, i’ve decided to be itchy backside and ordered a few korean skin care products because i wanna try the 10 step korean skin care. i know where got time kan with bb and all but i’m gonna try to get my pregnancy glow back 😂 i didn’t have a single pimple and my oily skin was matte the whole 38 weeks. after i reach my skin goals, i shall attempt saving my hair. because the post partum hair loss is real guys ☹️

also huge chunk of my bonus at the end of the month will go to the house savings. some of it will be for bb. planning to get the avent 2 in 1 steamer and blender. i read that mummies use this for the first two months only? i wouldn’t want to splurge for that short period of time tho? also treating my mum to her tefal pans that she wanted and something nice for husb because i was on confinement during his birthday in april.

syukur alhamdulillah for all that is given from Allah.

12 week old

12 week old baby:

  • baby A has always been phelgmy sounding from day one. we went to 3 different PDs for his follow up check up and all of them said his lungs were fine. so we have been living with it for the past three months. recently when i placed my hand on his chest, i can FEEL the phelgm moving when he breathes. he didn’t show any signs of discomfort and his temperature was a okay. so what i did was to slather on Aafiya Essentials Balm in Breathe after his daily shower, when i did diaper change and his evening wipe down. i did it for three days and then one morning, he decided to vomit out the phelgm but i wasn’t there to witness it! the husb was up when he saw bb vomitted out the phelgm and cleaned it up. what i did was massaged the balm upwards on his chest and back and then i followed Nina Chua’s tapping method from youtube. other then Breathe, i use Calm which is a bedtime balm for baby A and Smooth for when he accidentally scratches himself. i was thiiiisssssss close to investing into essential oils but i decided not yet for now. EO’s requires a lot of reading and knowledge in using the correct ones and i’m just a bit too lazy to read up for now. also not to mention, the good ones for immunity system is kinda expensive?
  • baby A hates his tummy time. i searched on how to make it better for him but none of the method works. most of the time, his fist will end up into his mouth and he will self soothe instead of pushing his face off the ground. when i pull his hand away, that is when he will scream bloody murder. when the husb is around, he will immediately pick bb up and that frustrates me because i want bb to tahan it out a few mins more. husband cakap kesian since he’s already so uncomfy. i told him most babies will tend to cry during their tummy time but he won’t buy it telling me to try another time. but one day, bb A surprised all of us by instantly holding his head up so so high. haha. i was telling husb how all bb’s small little developments make us all so happy chiming how smart and how clever he is. i guess when you’re a parent, all this details are enough to make your day.
  • he is so so so much vocal now! and i love it 🙂 he can recognise faces immediately now and will coo and babble and laugh out loud. i keep videoing when he does it because it is so precious. and talking about videoing, he seems to recognise my phone whenever it’s near his face, he will look to the camera directly. macam, siapa ajar kau ni to tengok at the camera? hahaha. at times when the husb is entertaining bb and i’ll use the phone to reply messages, he will just turn his head and look at my phone most probably thinking that mummy is taking my pictures again. he is also good at selfie apparently and is most quiet when my sister hold him to take his picture. this reminds me of my personal goal which js not to expose any entertainment via smartphone or tabs to him until he is very much older.
  • we finally introduced soap in his morning bath and i hate how kodomo gives his face small tiny spots. my mum didn’t even lather it on instead she poured a really tiny amount into his bath tub but it still give him spots. good thing we didn’t invest in any soap products because we received so many sample sized kodomo, mustela and cetaphil. using cetaphil baby for now and will see how it goes. i have not use any baby powder on him and read a little about carcinogenic ingredients in baby powders, i think it’s ok to delay and not use at all kan? he still has his baby smell and i don’t want it to go away so soon.
  • he is sucking to suck on his fists. i know it’s just a way for babies to explore but i kennot. seeing his moist fists rubbing his face, eyes, head and ears make the inner me go URGGHHHHHH and i keep wiping his hands whenever i see him doing it. this is me looking at him discovering his hands.  cannot imagine when he starts discovering his feet 😂
  • showing signs of rejecting bottle again….. i’ve always asked the husb or mum to bottle feed him because i read how torturous it is for mums when bb recognises the difference between the bottle and the nips. i have asked my mum to bottle feed him in the day time and i will DL evening onwards. hoping he will get used to this fixed routine.

12 week mummy:

  • repeatedly getting blocked duct on my right breasts and on the same duct. also developed blood blisters when bb A was a bit too enthusiastic while feeding at night. it huuuurts like mad. can only guess my blocked duct might be due to my sleeping position and bb’s latch is not as good as compared to the left 😭 tried searching for lechitin at watson/guardian but can’t find any halal brands
  • is a bit sian that i’m returning back to work in 2 weeks time. wish i could stay with bb longer, isn’t this every mum’s wish? soaking up every smile, every giggle, every crankiness and fussiness. also during this three and a half months, i’ve learnt how vulnerable and fragile we can be when we want to give more love to this little life yet at the same time we struggle so much trying our best to adapt to them. the world revolves around our LO all the time.
  • went through my first raya as a mum. honestly i was scared because that means having to nurse in foreign places, having bb to nap in a different environment and just being parents actually. it’s been two days bb A overshot his usual bed time but he went to sleep and wake up a happy baby. there are so many things to carry with him so naturally we forgot things and the most important item being: a small mat/blankie and his Clevafoam pillow. so the first day was a torture having to hold him all the time since not all houses have pillows/mat/carpet appropriate for babies. also to always bring all his evening wipes essentials in the case we overshot visiting so that we can wipe him down, change to comfy clothes and have him settle into his sleep time. also to learn to ignore well meaning comments from people on how to handle your baby. i got an auntie who corrected my husband and my mum on how to hold on to bb A when they were feeding him from the bottle. she’s a bachelorette. also because bb is at a romosoable age, even kids will get attracted wanting to sayang, tap and touch bb. i don’t want to be the ngada ngada mum and let them play with bb but when i had to bottle feed, i sat on a chair, a level higher than them and problem solved! bb can drink in peace and doze off slowly.

note to self

ever since baby a able to recognise faces, whenever he sees me, he will smile ever so widely and so sweetly. he will bring his hands up excitedly and kicks his legs up in the air.

there are times i will try to rock him to sleep in front of the tv while using my phone. and then i realise most of the time, he will look at me lovingly and gurgling and…. i’m looking at my phone instead.

i feel horrible and guilty because these moments are so precious and i’m letting it slip away just because i wanted to catch up with what’s new on social media.

may i be a better mum in the coming days.